Hi,

Hello.

I was wondering whether you’d be interested in selling advertising space on http://cogdogblog.com?

Does the phrase “No, not even after hell freezes over” mean anything to you?

The advertisement would be unobtrusive and we can pay you an annual upfront payment for the advertising space.

See my rates below.

I’m really wondering when you pilfer a list of email marketing schemes if you actually understand the web site you are targeting? Cause if you were a real human being, you might have noticed:

stupid

Actually what is ore disturbing is that you (or some other lowly paid cretin in your spam shop) read my blog post about another site and sent this spam about my site to an email address that us not even mine.

Man you are dumb.

Dumb as a post.

Dumb as a post in a pile of cow turds.

Dumb as a post in a pile of cow turds in the snow.

We can also provide content from industry experts in many cases.

Thats good! It is exactly what I need on a personal blog that regularly mocks concepts such as ‘industry experts”.

I am from RAM Marketing, a new media agency headquartered in the US.

I am so impressed by the design and crafting of your own web site, featuring the latest in 1997 table-based web design, impressive urls that end in 1.html, 2.html, cheesy clip art from the bottom of the barrel of cheap web hosting services.

ram marketing

I am completely impressed by your case studies which are so powerful that they do not even name the client. Now that is something I can believe in right after the tooth fairy and Elvis being alive.

“RAM Marketing, Inc. is a full service marketing company that takes customer service to heart. We believe every client, no matter what size project, is an important client and should be treated with the respect they deserve. Every project RAM Marketing undertakes is specially customized to meet the specific needs of our client, and no two projects are ever the same.”

Your email shows that care and attention to customers to the max!

We plan out and acquire advertising space on major websites and portals, as well as smaller niche sites. I personally deal with our smaller publishers, increasing brand awareness and share of voice for the major brands that our group works with.

Gee there is nothing I want more on my niche site that the voice of your major brands.

We’d love to work with you and establish a work relationship through which we could utilize your site for more of our campaigns.

My starting price for services like yours is $25,000 per ad per month. Ok? I am checking my mailbox daily for your check.

If you have any questions or would like further information, please do not hesitate to email me directly.

I am hesitating from now to the day after the sun burns itself out.

Kind Regards,
Hillary James
Campaign Planning Expert
RAM Marketing LLC

For future reference and to make it more clear to the world of marketing, I shall publish future responses to advertising campaigns with an appropriate tag.

Good luck.

The post "Dear Marketing by Email “Experts” I’m Serious About Messing With You" was originally pulled charred and crispy from a smoky charred oven at CogDogBlog (http://cogdogblog.com/2013/12/ram-marketing-roach/) on December 27, 2013.

2 Comments

  • Michael Lonewolf

    Hey Marketing Genius, before you call yourself that, YOU might want to LEARN that various devices have screen sizes, 640 x 480, or 600 x 800 won’t work on. Such devices as Android/Windows 10.1 tablets. There is a ridiculous amount of scrolling to EVEN read a page. YOU need to reconfigure your pages to 120 x 80. This will give the reader a full page, and be a comfortable view to read your web-pages. There are built-in way to make the pages bigger, smaller as well, but become non-readable. Learn to create proper web-pages before you even ATTEMPT to market a product on them. I’m re-naming you to “Marketing Dimwit”. Odds are your a 20 something year old that got your teeth first into computers with a Sony PlayStation©

    • Alan Levine aka CogDog cogdogblog.com

      Ummm is that directed at me? Im still hashing out this theme, its supposed to be responsive. And hmmm. My embedded inages are not after looking on a mobile. Back into the css dungeon. Not a Genius.

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