I know that marketers et al do not really look at my web site when they email me offering all of the great information “my readers” would enjoy. I can practically see the variable names in the spam bot template where my web site name and URL get inserted.

No I do not do guest posts.

No I do not do link exchanges (sometimes I reply telling them my rate os $10,000 per link per day, 7 days payment in advance).

No I do no blog about dog products.

Sometimes I write back and refer them to my policy.


Sometimes they are just asking for The Treatment.

That’s what Maxine was asking me this morning.


Hello. Who are you?

I came across-your contact over the-web and wanted to-share a brief note. I think a few-changes, aesthetically and/or SEO-wise, can make your site-convert more-visitors into leads-and also get it placed-higher in the organic search-results, for a few of the select terms.

Can you try once more as a sentence? I am not-sure I can-make-sense of this-hypenated note-gibberish. Are you sayin you don’t like my design?

(Search-Engine-Optimization is the-process of affecting the visibility of a-website or a web-page in a search-engine’s “natural” or un-paid “organic” search-results)

Thanks for giving me a definition. Of your slimy practice.

This is NOT like one-of those foreign-emails you probably get in your-inbox every day. Just to be-upfront, I have 3 agents that-work with me for Web-Development-&-SEO.

Actually it’s very similar to these emails I did get in my inbox frequently. And the ones I make fun of. And hey, I get plenty from people in my own country. Well, as far as I can tell. So your difference is you have 3 agents work for you? That is some kind of credibility?

I would just-need to know-which (if not both) services-you’re open to checking out-information about, either web-design or-SEO. Would you be-open to seeing more-brief info / quote for what-I would like to accomplish?

This would be a big fat ________ NO.

Please get the —— off the internet. You are crapping all over it.




You should add a new title like Hyphenation-Annoying-Spammer-Leach-On-The-Back-of-Internet.

I feel better.

Top / featured image credit cc licensed (BY-NC) flickr photo by Pulpolux !!!: http://flickr.com/photos/pulpolux/295482149

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An early 90s builder of the web and blogging Alan Levine barks at CogDogBlog.com on web storytelling (#ds106 #4life), photography, bending WordPress, and serendipity in the infinite internet river. He thinks it's weird to write about himself in the third person.


  1. Well, that is too bad, I know. And sad for that Maxine because of having a job that is making that spam. That must be a sad for them too when they get one of their own.

    Because it is not good for the environment to waste electrons to type it and send it and route it and store it and read it and delete it and even store it in the recycle until you do a Delete All. Plus longer if it is gMail where they keep it for 200 years in an Archive of it.

    One day we will be able to PAY the virtual mailbot to not deliver all the spams. Until then, it is just a real mess.

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