Police Beat: Couple Apprehended, Sent Back to Where they Once Belonged

cc licensed ( BY NC ND ) flickr photo shared by PMC 1stPix

I really dug the idea Tom Woodward put in for a ds106 Writing Assignment called “Police Beat”

Essentially, identify an innocent seeming song that advocates some odd/criminal behavior and reformat it as a police report style article.
tags: WritingAssignments, WritingAssignments328

Here is a report that came in on the wire from Quartzite, Arizona.

——————————— 8< ----------------------------- Quartzite AZ Police Report ID 65-4345E12
Arresttee’s Name(s): Joseph Henderson, Loretta Martin
Charges: Possession of Marijuana (A.R.S) 13-3415; Disorderly Conduct, Outstanding Warrants
Date/Time: Friday, February 3, 2012, 8:44pm
Location: 56 Lizard Lane, Quartzite, AZ 85346
Reporting: Sergeant Willi Fremont

At 8:15PM, QPD received an anonymous call about suspicious persons galavanting along Central Blvd. who wer tipping trash cans at the Burger King on Central and Cowell St. Officers Fremont and Martinez responded to the scene on foot from their beat on Main Street.

Upon seeing the officers, Joseph “Jo Jo” Henderson, 26, of Tucson, Arizona, and his partner Loretta Martin, also of Tucson, ran from the officers heading north on Central. QPD pursued on foot, following the suspects over a fence into the backyard property of Frida Colangario of 56 Lizard Lane. Henderson damaged a barbecue gril and 3 prized plastic flamingos in the flight.

Suspects were cornered by QOD officers and requested to produce identification. Henderson spat in the face of officer Martinez saying, “We dont have to go anywhere with you pig”. Upon search of Henderson, QPD recovered a two pound ziploc bag of marijuana hidden insider a plastic mustard dispenser. Henderson claimed the mustard had come from California as a gift.

Henderson claimed he was a loner, and pretended not to be affiliated with Martin. After cuffing Henderson, Sgt Fremont examined Martin and conjectured the situation required a female officer. After a radio call to headquarters, Captain Mary Saurez showed up to conduct a search of Martin, only to discover the individual appeared as a female but was male wearing women’s attire.

A background check revealed they had both provided false identities and were wanted for unauthorized leave from work releases executed by the Marana Correctional Facility. After reporting capture, extradition was arranged for both Henderson and Martin on February 4, and they will get back to where they once belonged, the Marana unit.
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Lyrics for the song: Get Back. There are rather discordant interpretations of the song at Songmeaning