What has happened to good writing? Are we so reduced to status updating that the skills of forming coherent, interesting sentences, believable characters, and interesting plots has gone by the wayside?

I am not talking about essays, articles, or even blogging- I am talking about when email spam was somewhat credible. I cannot accept that the innovation if mass communication and phishing tactics has gone that stale?

This spam that came in yesterday os appalling for not only its lack of legitimacy, but frankly the dull and boring premise. I give this one a grade of a D-.

Let’s break it down

Dear account user,

No opening hook, and I feel so generic. And do something about that capitlization.

We have congestion due to the accounts registration email.

Nonsensical phrasing. If you have congestion, maybe you should try a laxative.

Therefore anonymous, we are shutting down some e-mail accounts to select the update

Again, your form filling has failed. My name is noy “anonymous”, but again, the construct of this sentence is weak, vague, and indefinite.

We are sending this e-mail to tell us whether you still want to use this account. If you are you are still interested, please confirm your account immediately.

By this time we should really be delivered the hook, the punch, the grab, but we get weasel words about accounts, and feinted interest. What is the sell?

You must confirm your email address, fill out the form at the link below.


What have they taught you at spam school? Never use the link text that is the real target! You must forge the visible link to something credible. Major points off for poor execution.

Attention! Any owner of the email account direct Web that refuses to update his account after you receive this message you will lose your account permanently.

Oh dear. You have shot any hope of snagging me with allusion to “the email account direct Web” what is that word salad? And look at “update his account” you have committed gender bias.

Kind regards
Webmaster Team
Account maintenance equipment

Again were you asleep when we lectured you on identity spoofing? You must use an official sounding name and title, like the lawyer or a doctor or some political officer’s nephew, or wife of a deposed dictator.

Look, if you are going to make it in this business, at least come up with some decent spam lib templates or at least register for the next Nigerian Spam Email Conference.

This work is totally un-acceptable. Back to spam school with you!

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An early 90s builder of the web and blogging Alan Levine barks at CogDogBlog.com on web storytelling (#ds106 #4life), photography, bending WordPress, and serendipity in the infinite internet river. He thinks it's weird to write about himself in the third person.


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