The “S” Stands for “Stick it To ’em” or “Sucker”

Sure I want the newer camera and video capabilities. I want a compass. I want the 32Gb of space. I want the speeeeeeeeed.

But like others who find the notion of an “upgrade” for buying the most recent model an interesting term….. apparently the pirates known as AT&T want to Ssssssuck more money out of the Apple love.

I went to check how I could buy an iPhone. The “early upgrade” fee of $18 which is really $36 which is really $236 if you are a sap who owns a 3G.

That $299 iPhone 3GS will cost me $499. It is explained really clearly:

As a valued AT&T customer, AT&T can offer you an early iPhone upgrade with a new 2-yr commitment and an $18 upgrade fee. You may qualify for a standard iPhone upgrade on 01/19/2010.

In the spirit of Tom Woodard, I am close captioning this for the AT&T impaired…

As a valued AT&T customer Yep, we value zinging you with fees, AT&T can offer you an early iPhone upgrade with a new 2-yr commitment and an $18 upgrade fee Whoops, we forgot to mention that extra $18 other fee, the 100% gravy on top of gravy fee. And oh yeah, as a “valued” customer, once you get to step 5 you will find that the phone that costs $299 for people who bought an older phone costs you $499 although you bought a $399 phone last year. You may qualify for a standard iPhone upgrade on 01/19/2010. Yep, and if you think you can pawn off your 3G phone, dream on..

I’ll be waiting until my indentured service to AT&T hits the 18 month mark in January. While my work pays for my phone, and I could have them pay the extra hit– it just seems wrong. Maybe I’ll change my mind, wont be the first time, and really it is maybe and extra $30 a month to get a newer better phone faster?

But.

It just seems wrong

In the meantime, I am sharing my list of desired features that maybe they will get around to by January 2010.

• A better way to manage handoff/switch off of 3G/wireless connectivity. I’d really like some way from any screen to turn on/off wireless. I can best describe it by what happens when I travel to the Phoenix airport. I park at long term parking, and on the bus to the terminal I usually am checking mail, twitter etc. As I pass terminals 4 and 3, my phone picks up the free airport wireless, but using it requires an authentication login (passing through 3 questions and a button). The wireless network gets in the way. The same is entering a space where the main public networks are all locked. Maybe a wireless connection option that will only look for public/open networks?? The bottom line, I end up having to go to Settings — Wireless continually to turn on and off wireless. I’d like to do this from the menubar of any screen.
• Apple prides itself on UI but the UI for managing my app screens is worse than something Microsoft might give us. Managing the arrangement of apps by sliding around on the phone screen is sheer torture. It is in new way a fun or desirable activity. I want a graphic tool, maybe in iTunes, to organize and manage my app icons. I want to be able to easily group them so I can find things. I have 6 panes now of random apps. If I add a new one, it might take me 15 minutes to make room and slide things around to fit in a sensible place. Give us a GUI app organizer editor!
• Let me customize the keyboard Some apps change the keyboard- Safari gives you a “.com” on the keyboard. I’d like to customize more common keys for the way *I* work, not the way an app designer thinks I should. Typing URLs is just plain super tedium, only to be relieved slightly when we get cut ‘n paste. Some entry fields are “smart” like in the Contacts when it knows how to capitalize and accept things like zipcodes, but web site fields want to capitalize email and URL fields? Yech.

I’d write more but I am tired and defeated. Tell me how groovy the 3GS is, but I will be “S” less til released from the shackles in January.

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